Cheating

I dreamt of cheating. Over and over again my mind kept thinking "I don't want him to know". This is what happens when you watch too many soap operas. Drama, affairs and romance are like porn for woman. It doesn't matter if it's low quality, we just need it. TV is a good substitute for creating it in our own lives.

4am- Wake-ups of Confusion

I dreamt of a little girl again last night. I don't remember much but she was near a cliff. I was going to her. Looking for her. She was in a crowd and a mess of things were happening around her.

I kept waking up confused and thinking to myself. Why am I doing this? What am I supposed to be doing here? I can't help but wonder why I'm having these, 4am wake-ups of confusion.. I've had them ever since I left New York.

Another Fanacy Castle Dream

Last night I was taking care of a little girl again. I loved her so much and fought to protect her. I climbed a stairwell of a building fighting people off with a sword. She was in one of the apts and I was trying to find her.

Her father made a lot of money. He threw an arrow into the sky towards a castle in the ocean. "that's were we are going to live". There was an elevator and the bunk beds my brother and I had when we were little.

The strongest feelings of the dream were love and protection.. the fighting came from those feelings. It was a nice dream.

Ok so the ones I had this morning is even more weird then most. I was talking to the twins and they were telling me how they like to fuck. In an explaining way. There was also water and toys. I guess that's all I remember.

Hope and Excitement

Last night I was in a garden with a fountain. There must have been a wedding or something because there were women wearing white dresses. One woman had on a bathing suit and her breasts had blinking lights on them. She walked deeper and deeper into a pool.

I was going to be an actress. I was practicing with this woman but then it stopped being practice and became a real argument. Then I was riding in a car up and down winding roads. There was hope and excitment.



I walked into a doctors office and was waiting in front of two desks each with a doctor behind it. Aydin came in and the doctors said he shouldn't be there, it's not his place. Then he started to explain that he knows me well and that he understands when I'm getting sick. I started to feel dizzy.

In real life I have finally moved into my new apt in Amsterdam and I'm almost finished unpacking.

Distraction

This morning when I was folding my cloths, something in a song sounded like him. I stopped without relizing it and starred at the corner of the room for 3 minutes, thinking of his voice.